Mr. Foster and his 13-year-old son, Sean, were driving through the city one day.
Suddenly Sean said, “Hey, Dad. Let me drive for a while!"
His father was surprised by this request. “I don’t think so, son.”
“Come on, Dad. I can do it. I’m big enough so my feet can reach the pedals. I’ve been watching you for a long time now. I know pretty well what to do.”
Over the past year, Sean had suddenly developed a strong desire to try driving a car. It looked easy enough—not to mention very exciting. However, his father was adamant.
“There’s no way I’m going to let you drive this car, Sean. It may look easy, but there’s a lot more to it than meets the eye. I know that you’re not ready.”
Sean slumped back in his seat, sulking. “Why don’t you trust me, Dad? I know I can do it.”
Mr. Foster pulled over to the side of the road. Sean became excited.
“You’re going to let me drive?”
His father shook his head and looked into his son’s eyes. “Son, I love you very much. Because I love you, I cannot allow you to do something that could get both of us seriously hurt—even killed—not to mention other people on the road. It would not be responsible of me. Besides that, it's against the law, and for very good reasons.”
Sean looked down and frowned.
“Driving is a big responsibility,” his father continued. “That’s why they don’t allow people to drive until they reach a certain age. Not only that—they must also possess a driver’s license, which they can only get after passing both a road test and a written test. I understand your desire to drive. I wanted to also when I was your age. But it is important to wait until the proper time—a time when you will be capable of taking on the responsibilities of driving a car—a time when your judgment and self-control are as grown-up as those long legs of yours."
Sean shifted in his seat and looked back at his father as he continued to speak.
“In a year or so, I’ll be happy to start teaching you the basics of driving. You have to know how to take care of a car, too. Eventually I’ll even start taking you out on the road—a back road somewhere—and let you drive in preparation for taking the driver’s test.”
But that wasn't enough for Sean. One night, he sneaked out of the house with his father's car keys when his parents were asleep. He was just going to drive the car around the yard a little bit. He knew he could do it. Whoa. The car was harder to control than he thought. He couldn't use the brakes without throwing himself almost into the steering wheel. He thought he could steer well and control the accelerator, but the car leaped forward—right into a tree
Lights went on all over the house, and his parents came running out. His mother was mostly concerned about his safety—she kept hugging him and asking him if he had snapped his neck. But his dad was deeply disappointed in him.
"I told you, you weren't ready, didn't I? Why couldn't you listen to my warning?"
"I didn't think anything would happen!" said Sean.
"Well, you were wrong. And something else is going to happen too. You're going to pay for that damage through working odd jobs after school. And remember when I said I'd start taking you out driving in a year or so? Well, it'll be three good long years now. Maybe then you'll learn to wait for things you're not ready for!"
Sean hung his head. His father was right. He should have waited.
Comments
The urge to have sex is often referred to as "sexual drive". Sean's strong desire to get behind the wheel and drive is a good analogy to the sudden development of our sexual desire when we reach the teenage years.
In childhood, sex was probably not a very big issue for us. Even if we saw images of sex in pictures, magazines, movies, etc., it is likely it did not mean very much to us. We were aware it was out there, and it seemed to hold a lot of interest for grownups, but it was not part of our life.
With adolescence, all that changes. Adolescents' bodies are changing. They are not only continuing to grow bigger but changing in shape and function as well. Feelings are changing. Interest in the opposite sex awakens. Whereas before we may have barely thought about sex at all, we now may be finding ourselves thinking about it quite a lot. We may feel strong sexual urges and want to act on them—just like Sean wants so badly to drive his father's car.
If we pay too much attention to modern-day culture, especially the media (movies, TV, much of the Internet, teen books, and magazines), we can get the impression that we should simply follow our impulses—like Sean did. The media tell us that if a person has certain feelings of attraction for someone, there is nothing wrong with acting on them.
This way of thinking was born of the sexual revolution that occurred among Western youth in the 1960s. It has led to all sorts of problems. Since then, unwanted pregnancies, sexual diseases (including HIV/AIDS), rape, adultery, and divorce—not to mention all the associated emotional scars—have skyrocketed.
Like driving a car, sexual activity should not be engaged in until the person is ready to take on the responsibilities involved. Like driving a car, sex requires maturity, good judgment, understanding, and a "license"—marriage.
While much of modern culture highlights the pleasurable aspects of sex and promotes sexual freedom, it de-emphasizes sexual responsibility. As with many other aspects of our lives, we are responsible for controlling our appetites. If we fail to do so, we may end up being controlled by them. This can happen with food, alcohol, cigarettes, money, gambling, power—and sex. We can become addicted to sex just as we can become addicted to other things in life.
The fact is that sex is intricately connected to reproduction; indeed, it is the means through which we become mothers and fathers. Because one of the major purposes of our sexuality is to enable us to reproduce, we should not engage in sexual relationships until we are ready to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. As the foundation for parenthood is marriage, we should not engage in such activity until we have made a commitment to our partner through the marriage vows.
Obviously, having the physiological capability to engage in sex is a long way from being truly qualified to do so. Just as Sean's legs had grown long enough for him to reach the pedals of the car, our bodies grow into sexual capability before our good judgment, maturity, and ability to handle such a powerful force have grown fully. Like Sean, if we try to handle something we are not ready for, we may end up facing destruction.
Questions for Reflection
1. Do you agree with the comparison between Sean’s desire to drive and our sexual desire? Why or why not?
2. Are there some things in life we want but are not mature enough to handle yet?
3. Do we sometimes think we are ready for things when we really are not?
4. Should we listen to our parents and elders when they tell us we should wait for some things?
5. What do the media—TV, movies, songs, books and magazines—tell us about sexual feelings? In general, are we urged to wait or are we urged to act on them whenever we want to? Do you agree with these media messages?
6. What is sexuality intimately connected with that requires maturity and responsibility?
Exercise: “Matching”
Match the joyful event with the qualifications needed for it by drawing lines:
Having a baby . . . . . . . . . . . .good grades, good school record
Winning a scholarship . . . . . . . food, shelter, money, ability to care
Becoming a doctor . . . . . . . . . . . written test, road test, license
Going out on your first date . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .marriage
Driving a car . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .-practice, a good coach, skills
Having sex . . . . . . . . . . . . parental permission, curfew, values
Winning a trophy in sports . . . . . degree from medical school
Reflection Exercise: “Strong Desire”
Have you ever had a strong desire to do something for which you were not prepared or about which you did not really think enough to foresee the consequences? What were the consequences of your actions? What did you learn from the experience? How would you compare this with a teenager acting upon his/her sexual impulses?
Suddenly Sean said, “Hey, Dad. Let me drive for a while!"
His father was surprised by this request. “I don’t think so, son.”
“Come on, Dad. I can do it. I’m big enough so my feet can reach the pedals. I’ve been watching you for a long time now. I know pretty well what to do.”
Over the past year, Sean had suddenly developed a strong desire to try driving a car. It looked easy enough—not to mention very exciting. However, his father was adamant.
“There’s no way I’m going to let you drive this car, Sean. It may look easy, but there’s a lot more to it than meets the eye. I know that you’re not ready.”
Sean slumped back in his seat, sulking. “Why don’t you trust me, Dad? I know I can do it.”
Mr. Foster pulled over to the side of the road. Sean became excited.
“You’re going to let me drive?”
His father shook his head and looked into his son’s eyes. “Son, I love you very much. Because I love you, I cannot allow you to do something that could get both of us seriously hurt—even killed—not to mention other people on the road. It would not be responsible of me. Besides that, it's against the law, and for very good reasons.”
Sean looked down and frowned.
“Driving is a big responsibility,” his father continued. “That’s why they don’t allow people to drive until they reach a certain age. Not only that—they must also possess a driver’s license, which they can only get after passing both a road test and a written test. I understand your desire to drive. I wanted to also when I was your age. But it is important to wait until the proper time—a time when you will be capable of taking on the responsibilities of driving a car—a time when your judgment and self-control are as grown-up as those long legs of yours."
Sean shifted in his seat and looked back at his father as he continued to speak.
“In a year or so, I’ll be happy to start teaching you the basics of driving. You have to know how to take care of a car, too. Eventually I’ll even start taking you out on the road—a back road somewhere—and let you drive in preparation for taking the driver’s test.”
But that wasn't enough for Sean. One night, he sneaked out of the house with his father's car keys when his parents were asleep. He was just going to drive the car around the yard a little bit. He knew he could do it. Whoa. The car was harder to control than he thought. He couldn't use the brakes without throwing himself almost into the steering wheel. He thought he could steer well and control the accelerator, but the car leaped forward—right into a tree
Lights went on all over the house, and his parents came running out. His mother was mostly concerned about his safety—she kept hugging him and asking him if he had snapped his neck. But his dad was deeply disappointed in him.
"I told you, you weren't ready, didn't I? Why couldn't you listen to my warning?"
"I didn't think anything would happen!" said Sean.
"Well, you were wrong. And something else is going to happen too. You're going to pay for that damage through working odd jobs after school. And remember when I said I'd start taking you out driving in a year or so? Well, it'll be three good long years now. Maybe then you'll learn to wait for things you're not ready for!"
Sean hung his head. His father was right. He should have waited.
Comments
The urge to have sex is often referred to as "sexual drive". Sean's strong desire to get behind the wheel and drive is a good analogy to the sudden development of our sexual desire when we reach the teenage years.
In childhood, sex was probably not a very big issue for us. Even if we saw images of sex in pictures, magazines, movies, etc., it is likely it did not mean very much to us. We were aware it was out there, and it seemed to hold a lot of interest for grownups, but it was not part of our life.
With adolescence, all that changes. Adolescents' bodies are changing. They are not only continuing to grow bigger but changing in shape and function as well. Feelings are changing. Interest in the opposite sex awakens. Whereas before we may have barely thought about sex at all, we now may be finding ourselves thinking about it quite a lot. We may feel strong sexual urges and want to act on them—just like Sean wants so badly to drive his father's car.
If we pay too much attention to modern-day culture, especially the media (movies, TV, much of the Internet, teen books, and magazines), we can get the impression that we should simply follow our impulses—like Sean did. The media tell us that if a person has certain feelings of attraction for someone, there is nothing wrong with acting on them.
This way of thinking was born of the sexual revolution that occurred among Western youth in the 1960s. It has led to all sorts of problems. Since then, unwanted pregnancies, sexual diseases (including HIV/AIDS), rape, adultery, and divorce—not to mention all the associated emotional scars—have skyrocketed.
Like driving a car, sexual activity should not be engaged in until the person is ready to take on the responsibilities involved. Like driving a car, sex requires maturity, good judgment, understanding, and a "license"—marriage.
While much of modern culture highlights the pleasurable aspects of sex and promotes sexual freedom, it de-emphasizes sexual responsibility. As with many other aspects of our lives, we are responsible for controlling our appetites. If we fail to do so, we may end up being controlled by them. This can happen with food, alcohol, cigarettes, money, gambling, power—and sex. We can become addicted to sex just as we can become addicted to other things in life.
The fact is that sex is intricately connected to reproduction; indeed, it is the means through which we become mothers and fathers. Because one of the major purposes of our sexuality is to enable us to reproduce, we should not engage in sexual relationships until we are ready to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. As the foundation for parenthood is marriage, we should not engage in such activity until we have made a commitment to our partner through the marriage vows.
Obviously, having the physiological capability to engage in sex is a long way from being truly qualified to do so. Just as Sean's legs had grown long enough for him to reach the pedals of the car, our bodies grow into sexual capability before our good judgment, maturity, and ability to handle such a powerful force have grown fully. Like Sean, if we try to handle something we are not ready for, we may end up facing destruction.
Questions for Reflection
1. Do you agree with the comparison between Sean’s desire to drive and our sexual desire? Why or why not?
2. Are there some things in life we want but are not mature enough to handle yet?
3. Do we sometimes think we are ready for things when we really are not?
4. Should we listen to our parents and elders when they tell us we should wait for some things?
5. What do the media—TV, movies, songs, books and magazines—tell us about sexual feelings? In general, are we urged to wait or are we urged to act on them whenever we want to? Do you agree with these media messages?
6. What is sexuality intimately connected with that requires maturity and responsibility?
Exercise: “Matching”
Match the joyful event with the qualifications needed for it by drawing lines:
Having a baby . . . . . . . . . . . .good grades, good school record
Winning a scholarship . . . . . . . food, shelter, money, ability to care
Becoming a doctor . . . . . . . . . . . written test, road test, license
Going out on your first date . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .marriage
Driving a car . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .-practice, a good coach, skills
Having sex . . . . . . . . . . . . parental permission, curfew, values
Winning a trophy in sports . . . . . degree from medical school
Reflection Exercise: “Strong Desire”
Have you ever had a strong desire to do something for which you were not prepared or about which you did not really think enough to foresee the consequences? What were the consequences of your actions? What did you learn from the experience? How would you compare this with a teenager acting upon his/her sexual impulses?